i think i am still happy even though i know how it reached the end

 after 14 months i made myself finish bojack horseman

because i am barely getting through each day.

i hate knowing how my favourite things end

i usually hold onto them with dear life

but for this i finally needed to know

how it got here.

like them i wish i knew

the view from halfway down

i wish i could see where this bump in the road

was taking me towards.

i did not want bojack season 6 because i did 

not want a fictional horse to get better before i did

but in truth he did not get better

and neither did i

i think i find solace in knowing that

recovery is harder than it seems

but maybe this is for the best

because maybe now i can 

do the hokey pokey

and turn it all around.