closure

 

i finally took down the photo

with the person who assaulted me off my wall

and whilst i glad it wasn't more

i wish it hadn't happened at all

there is no hope

 

there has to be an easier way to do this

is there any other way to see the end

no other things have worked

hope has almost faded completely

the distance between my home and a hard place

 

the house at the beach was just so far away

but everything here was so peaceful

though the water didn't seem as far away

as you did

we came here when i was younger

the fireflies flew around a night

and everything felt like 

it as home

another body poem

 

i said to myself 

one bad thought doesn't make it a relapse 

but last time i said that to myself

it was.

i don't know

if i can ever get over this

seeing my body as nothing but an enemy

sometimes i have to remind myself that one meal sometimes is enough

if it has to be enough

if it's all i can do

unsettled asexuality

 

the intricacies of intimacy

a life of love was not made for me

home of a stranger

 

and i feel like a stranger in places that used to feel like home

raining

 

the bad days don't get easier

the sadness likes to stay

today it rained

tomorrow's forecast more

i wish the pain

would go away

platter

 

i pour my heart on a silver platter

my vulnerability is a dish served cold

there is nothing else i can say

mercury

87.97 days
is the longest she was away from you

365 days
is the longest i was away from you.

but she was poison

when i was a breath of fresh air

unloveable

 

and i am just

unloveable

if not by others

at least by 

myself

and why should anyone

love a person who

does not even

love themselves

pact

 

you told me once that you liked

when i could feel your sadness

because then you werent the only one 

who wanted to die

but here i am

all these years later

still feeling the sadness

even though you no longer are