a diet coke

i still feel uncomfortable when i hear the word diet 

i do not drink diet cola as it reminds me too much of the culture

surrounding pumping your body with anything as long as it isnt calories

i still feel uncomfortable when my friends talk about dieting

i have grown to associate diet with starving myself

and being congratulated for the weight loss

i still feel uncomfortable when i see articles about dieting 

it reminds me of when i evaporated dress sizes 

and was lost in the internet wondering why it wasn't faster

i still feel uncomfortable when someone asks me if i've tried a diet

i sometimes now struggle to eat a single meal in a day

and not worry about whether or not it counts as a relapse

i still feel uncomfortable when i think about diets

maybe one day i'll be content in the boy i live in

and i will be comfortable drinking diet cola again

space

i know i take up space
i am overly conscious that i take up too much space

i hate taking up so much space
i look and i know i take up so much space

but i wish i was space
the universe, space

i wish my body held the stars,
the planets and galaxies

in that beautiful way
that the universe does

the beautiful way
that everyone loves

the space that holds galaxies
that are inked onto skin

the space that holds the stars
wished upon each night

the space that continues on
and continues to continue on

maybe i love space so much
because i am jealous

of how beautifully space
continues to exist

when my space is a problem
i have conditioned to hate

maybe one day i will love my body
the same way i love the galaxy

and maybe one day i will love my space
the same way as i love the one above

pink, purple and blue

love,
ambition,
stability

girls
and
boys

i love
the feeling
of love